Hair...Who cares?

Most of you know by now that I am losing my hair due to one of my anti-rejection medications.....Prograf. At this point it doesn't show signs of stopping so it will probably get worse before it gets better. Some people probably think I'm being dramatic, but I've lost over half of the hair on my head already. Some say it will last 3 months, some say 6 months, and some say it will go back to normal after a year.

I'm not going to lie. I've struggled with this. To me it has been harder than my transplant. Maybe it's because I was so sick and wasn't really aware of what was going on around the time of my transplant. On the outside, I've remained strong, even making jokes about it, but as soon as Adam gets home, I fall apart to him. It's been hard. I just got engaged. I don't want to get married bald or with someone else's hair, but Adam has been my rock. He has given me a lot of comfort and strength since this started happening.

The first two and a half months, my recovery was going great. People continued to comment on how great I looked and how they couldn't believe how well I was doing only a couple of months post transplant. That felt really good.

Now I feel like I've stalled. I feel great, but I feel like I don't look great anymore and that's really affected my self esteem. I know that my new circumstances make me "different" from the average person, but I don't want to look different or sick when I'm not. I want to continue getting those words of encouragement from people.

I feel so selfish complaining about something that will eventually stop and be back to normal. I often think to myself there are some people that would LOVE to see the light at the end of the tunnel. There are some people who would love to be alive without hair. These thoughts quickly bring me back down to Earth.

Most people don't know what to say because they haven't been through it, so they say "You are beautiful with or without hair." The words mean a lot, but it still doesn't take away that losing your hair is very traumatic. Hair is a part of being girly and being a woman. Look all around you, women take care of their hair more than any other part of their body. That's why it's been so hard. For now I'm going to rock hats and scarves. I'm thinking about getting a wig, but I'm not totally sold on that idea yet.

I have decided today that I'm going to embrace my hair loss and not shed one more tear about it. This is either just one more test from God or a part of the test I already thought I completed. I'm going to ace this test and continue to thrive in my life. I will continue to thank God every single day for my health. I am alive and that's all that matters. One day this will be just a little blip on the radar and I will look back and hopefully think how silly it was for me to get so upset about something so vain.

The next time you start to get upset about something, please try to remember that someone always has it worse and would love to have what you have. Please remember to thank God daily for your blessings. He will never forsake his children.

XOXO

God Bless